The Birth of Grieving
I don’t know about you but... MY BIRTHDAY IS KIND OF A BIG DEAL!! It’s up there with Christmas! Sometimes you don’t realize how much something bothers you until after the fact! Let’s back up to 2 years ago to September 23, 2020, this will just shed light onto how in denial I was about my moms health! Yea, she had strokes but always bounced back, she’s had heart attacks but always bounced back! However, when I called her in 2020 on my birthday she didn’t remember! I’m not going to lie, I took it to heart, might have cried a little (I’m a sensitive human). I really didn’t care what anyone did or said to me that day because my momma didn’t remember. I was like, “How she remembers everyone else birthday but not her last child!” A few days later she remembered and I really didn’t want the Happy Birthday because she forgot! Let’s remember I’m in denial about my mom’s state of health because she always bounced back!
Last year on September 23, 2021, I heard from everyone but momma! I’m thinking here we go again!! However, I know she can be forgetful but if I called her and said, “Guess what day it is?” She would automatically know and sing Happy Birthday. So I called her and nothing! Called my siblings and none of them had heard from her! Called the nursing home and for some reason no answer. We’re not in a frantic because we know sometimes momma volume is turned off and we just chop it up to, we will go see her or call her. It was the next day, we called the nursing home again to find out that Momma had went to the hospital! Ok, she’s in the hospital no alarm because if it was an alarm we would have been notified!
We find out she was at the worse hospital to be in, in Little Rock! If you’re from Arkansas you know. In the back of my mind, the selfish part of me is still like, “When I get there, she is going to tell me Happy Birthday!” Whew! It’s kind of hard reading my actions because I was out of order! Make it to the hospital get to her room and boom she can barely speak! In my mind this is like any other time but the feel was different! It was a feeling of uneasiness.
I mentioned earlier that I’m big on birthdays! I normally know what I want to do and my friends are down for it! This year has been different, I couldn’t put my finger on why wasn’t feeling any activities. It hit me a few weeks ago why I wasn’t into celebrating my Birthday! This was unbeknownst to me but this date, September 23 had become “The Birth of Grieving” for me!
However, I decided I can’t let it control me! I can’t let it set the tone for my day! I decided to reclaim my day! That’s when I switched my launch date for Whit’s Corner to September 23. My mom gave birth to me on September 23. My grieving process for my mom started September 23. However, today on September 23, I bring fourth new beginnings and decide to take my day back for something good!
No my grieving is not over! Losing someone will always change how you live! If you are reading this, no explanation needed if you don’t want to, drop a date that has controlled you but you have decided to take back.
